River Tam: Fifty Things
by DemonClowSorceress
Summary: Number fourteen comin' at ya! Fifty snippets of the amazing Reader, River Tam! Rated T for whatever may show up.
1. Prompts

**River Tam: Fifty Things**

**By: DemonClowSorceress**

**Number fourteen is my first solo, and who better to showcase than our lovely loony Reader, River Tam!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Firefly, Serenity_ or anything else in that series.**

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#1 - Ramble

Speaking was difficult, but they always tried to understand.

#2 - Tests

Handing over the completed quiz, she couldn't help smirking.

#3 - Brain

It's a dangerous thing, especially once they'd done what they done to hers.

#4 - Training

They kept her going until she could react without thinking. Then they taught her how to kill.

#5 - Jayne

A mean-tempered man with big guns, but he didn't really hate her. She could tell.

#6 - Images

Sometimes she saw things clearer than most. Sometimes, she saw them wrong.

#7 - Classmate

It was a dark day when another Academy inmate found River.

#8 - Escape

It was always on her mind.

#9 - Blend

Every etiquette lesson she ever had growing up had prepared her for that moment.

#10 - Wash

She always thought of him when she piloted _Serenity_.

#11 - Relate

"Nobody knows what I went through."

#12 - Monsters

She knew better than anyone that the worst ones were the ones that looked human.

#13 - Miranda

The word haunted her, and she didn't know what it meant.

#14 - Clear

Once the message was finished, the voices finally ceased.

#15 - Shepherd

She found his God book full of fallacies among the dead, but for some reason, River couldn't bear to throw it away.

#16 - Quinn

"You can't name it! You name it, you get attached to it!"

#17 - Academy

Once she stepped inside, River knew something was decidedly wrong.

#18 - Eighteen

Kaylee set the cake down in front of River with a smile. "Make a wish, River."

#19 - Pointe

When she unwrapped the silk shoes, emotion threatened to choke her.

#20 - Zoe

Without her husband, she was slowly fading away. So one day, River grabbed a practice staff and attacked.

#21 - Blue

Those grasping hands reached out through the darkness of her dreams, and not even Simon could save her from them.

#22 - Witch

She knew what it meant, and she knew what was coming.

#23 - Horseback

"Can't take the mule in this time. Can ya ride, lil albatross?"

#24 - Labels

It kept her from peeling off her skin in frustration.

#25 - Albatross

She never had an actual pet name before. Despite the unlucky connotation, she rather liked it.

#26 - Formalwear

Kaylee meant well when she offered, but River's tastes weren't quite so...fluffy.

#27 - Retrieval

"Time to earn your keep, Quinn."

#28 - Infernal

As long as the music played she wasn't broken, crazy River. She was Stravinsky's Firebird until the last notes faded away.

#29 - Coordinates

One hand jumping across keyboards, eyes flitting between five screens, mouthing complex calculations while she held a gun on him. It baffled and impressed the hell out of Mal.

#30 - Mal

Bad in the Latin, but good in heart. A man who only wanted freedom.

#31 - Revenue

Every man thought the pretty dark-haired girl was out of her league. They didn't realize how wrong they were.

#32 - Suicide

"Bullet to the brain, bam squish!"

#33 - Adolescent

Being a teenager was tough enough. With her tendency to react psychotically, River was actually shocked the crew didn't hate her even more.

#34 - Reader

Hearing things that weren't spoken, secret thoughts she wasn't supposed to know. It hurt, but sometimes it was helpful.

#35 - Inara

Illness held her body hostage, but her heart yearned to love.

#36 - Genius

"Time I show my brains aren't broken."

#37 - PAX

All the people died without a care, and she couldn't make them wake up.

#38 - Unleashed

She didn't even think. She just danced and sliced and cut through the monsters who wanted to kill her family.

#39 - Tormentor

"River Tam, as I live and breathe."

#40 - Kaylee

The sister she never had and eventually got, once the boob got his priorities straight.

#41 - Sniper

"C'mon ya little psycho, take the gorram gun and let's go cover the Cap'n."

#42 - Happy

"Shiny," she giggled nervously, twisting her fingers together. "Real shiny."

#43 - Dinosaurs

The plastic creatures were sometimes her only company on the bridge.

#44 - Example

You'd think with all she'd seen, she'd know how to react correctly.

#45 - Simon

He always looked after her, but once she was better, River made sure he got what he needed.

#46 - Trickery

It's saved their collective rears more than once.

#47 - Fear

Their minds were drowning in it, and she relished it.

#48 - Boob

When his daughter started using that insult, Simon knew his sister was to blame.

#49 - Sessions

By their end, she was no longer the girl she'd once been.

#50 - Serenity

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, River felt like she was home.

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**I rather like where this could go. What about you guys?**

**Review and let me know!**


	2. Ramble

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Firefly _or _Serenity._**

**Prompt #1: Ramble - Speaking was difficult, but they always tried to understand.**

**Words: 571**

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River Tam used to speak easily.

Before the Academy, words would flow from her lips like spring water. Her mother used to say that to hear her speak was like listening to poetry. Her father and brother would always smile when they heard her speak of things a girl her age shouldn't know with the authority of a well-versed adult. River was confident. River was clever. River was eloquent.

And now...well, as Mal would say, one out of three ain't bad.

The after-effects of a warped mind meant that her thoughts were disjointed, like shards of a broken mirror glued back into their frame. This also spread to other parts of her being. Her confidence was shot, since she always had to second-guess herself about the validity of seventy-five percent of the world around her. Her once-masterful grip on expressing herself through her words was gone, replaced with the unfiltered ramblings of a troubled girl.

Ironic. A Reader could know what everyone else wanted to hear her say, but she couldn't string a coherent sentence together to save her life.

But despite her shattered psyche, River was still clever. Clever enough to observe and deduce the important things, like the old Earth-That-Was detective she used to have Simon read to her about.

_Serenity _was good for her. It _felt _like a home, suffused with peace and love and that spark of something else that turned an outdated ship into a place people wouldn't ever dream of leaving. Better than her old home; her parents would have never understood just how broken she was and sent her away again.

She used to think Simon was all she needed, her big brother who would never abandon her to the wolves of the world, and vice versa. But now she knew that she - they - needed more. Like Kaylee, the fun-loving and mischievous sister she always wanted. Like Inara, who always wanted to help and teach her womanly things that her mother would never speak of. Like Jayne, who kept her on her toes like an irascible big brother in his own way. Like Wash, who showed her how to fly, and Zoe, who showed her how to keep the hurt inside. Like Shepherd Book, who showed her how to believe. Like Mal, who gave her a place in his crew and on his ship.

It was difficult to say what she wanted to say. River tried, she really did. But the words got jumbled together and came out in strings of gibberish, frustrating her further and making it even tougher to get her point across. Worse, it got her uncomfortable looks from the rest of the crew. But despite their discomfort, they always tried to understand her. They never gave up on her (she didn't count Jayne's attempts - fear plus greed was a powerful motivator, and who was she to argue with the human condition?)

Even after clearing her brain of the secret of Miranda, River knew she would never be as eloquent as she'd once been. But sometimes her thoughts and her words managed to make some sense. Sometimes, the crew was even around to hear it.

That's when she made sure to tell them.

_Thank you for keeping me. Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you all. _

_Let's keep flying_.

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**And let's begin our adventure with River! I for one am excited!**

**Review please!**


	3. Tests

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Firefly._**

**Prompt #2: Tests - Handing over the completed quiz, she couldn't help smirking.**

**Words: 500**

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As soon as the test unfolded on the screen of her desk, River Tam went to work.

She was almost insulted by how easy the questions were, but River knew better than to voice her irritation. The last time she had, it had resulted in a wave being sent to her parents and her teacher taking personal time.

Her pen flew across the screen, selecting the answers with ease. The computer could barely keep up with the speed of her selections, each ping barely audible from the one following it. She was done within a minute.

River had a huge smile on her face when she delivered the completed disk to her teacher. She didn't even stay to hear the teacher's remarks. With a light skip and a smug smile on her lips, she danced out of the classroom and headed for the school conservatory.

Once she figured out that nobody else accessed it during class time, River would come in after a test and tend her own private patch of flowers. Flowers didn't judge her intellect, or make snide remarks about being a smarty-pants, or give her odd looks when she said something somewhat strange. The conservatory was her haven.

"Silly tests, simple tests, test and test away," she said in a singsong voice as she watered the violets and azaleas and primroses. "They try and try to stump me, but I keep blowing them away."

It was incredibly infuriating. Even Simon's medical texts were as simple as coloring books to River. It was like her mind was operating on a totally different level than everyone else's, seeing patterns before others did and understanding more than any of her classmates.

River longed for stimulation. A challenge. Something interesting, for Pete's sake.

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**Two years later...**

Adjusting the burn rate for _Serenity_'s descent was a calculation she could do in her sleep, but River made sure to do each step with deliberate care. The old Firefly-class had her quirks, and rushing her sometimes resulted in something semi-important breaking off during landing.

This wasn't challenging by a long shot, but River Tam wasn't the precocious child she'd once been. On the contrary, she loved the procedure, the regularity, and the sameness. It served as a routine to calm her still-turbulent thoughts and keep her wandering mind focused.

"Simple and smart, simple and smart. Plenty of math and plenty of heart," she mumbled under her breath as her fingers skipped across several display screens and keyboards. "Math and heart so we don't fall apart. Ship don't fly, we all die."

"It's mighty eerie what comes outta your mouth sometimes, lil' albatross," came the lazy drawl of the Captain.

River smiled at the console. "Just passin' time as I keep us flyin'," she said in a perfect Rimworld accent.

"Can you be less creepifyin' for a spell?"

A challenge. "Maybe," she said impishly. "Won't make promises."

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**Review please!**


	4. Brain

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Firefly._**

**Prompt #3: Brain - It's a dangerous thing, especially once they'd done what they did to hers.**

**Words: 451**

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The human brain is a marvelous thing, capable of adapting to almost everything. It is a fact that has survived through human evolution.

The doctors at the Academy wanted to test that fact. Behaviorally, psychologically, emotionally, and physically wanted to push the brain to its recorded limits and then smash on through. That was their goal in the search for advancing the human condition. So they claimed.

In reality, they just wanted to create the perfect human weapon.

River Tam is a prime example of that statement. They pushed her beyond sanctioned boundaries and recorded the results, then created more experiments based on her response. They opened up her skull and experimented on her brain, trying to surgically enhance the part of her they believed held potential. They tested her limits afterwards. They devised more tests following that.

And in that span of time, they broke her. Broke what made River Tam a smart, precocious, normal-ish teenage girl and warped her psyche into that of a psychotic, deranged killer with the power to read minds. They held such high expectations for her despite the setbacks, but it was universally accepted that she was unstable.

A well-trained, unstable, half-mad Reader.

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Although he had no formal training in the field of psychology, Simon had prescribed a series of mental exercises for River to help her sort out the mess of her ravaged mind. Imaging herself in a safe and calming place, regulating her breathing, calming herself by recalling a happy memory. Soon River was able to slip into a half-trance state and completely block out the outside world.

She'd walk down her home streets and battle Reavers, then turn right around and fly through the black on the back of a silver space dragon named Serenity. Waltzes in state ballrooms on Osiris morphed into firefights on a barren border world. Her mind would wander and drift through a hazy blend of memories and imagination without a care in the world.

River herself changed in those trances. There, she wasn't a damaged person. No broken ramblings, no whispers in her mind, no irrational fears of silent monsters that screamed nothing on a dead world. She was a whole person, and it felt wonderful.

But then she'd wake up, and she'd be herself again. Broken, babbling, fearful, powerful, misunderstood River. The Reader that couldn't keep it together long enough to say or do what needs to be said or done.

Despite everything she knew to the contrary, River still hoped. Hoped that someday, she'd be all right again. After all, the human brain is capable of doing incredible things.

She's living proof of that.

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**Eh, it's okay? Maybe?**

**Review please!**


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